"My help comes from The Lord"

So, people always ask me "how do you do it?" And people mean a lot of things, like, "how do you take care of autistic children?" "how do you stand being an Army wife?" "How do you handle all the things that you do?" "oh my gosh! He's deployed again?" And up till now my answer has always been, "I just do. it's all I know." Okay everybody, so I guess I lied. I didn't mean to. I just never realized, until recently, that I have had somebody holding my hand the whole entire time. He has been such a great strength to me. He has picked me up when I've fallen, comforted me when I was sick or grieving, and helped me when my husband was deployed. My amazing, sovereign Lord. He really has been there this entire time. And it's amazing that when we search for God, sometimes all it takes to find him is to open our eyes. These past few weeks have been a little rough. But recently I started doing more Bible study, and have found a peace like no other. I started rearranging my life, and getting rid of things in my life that are not important. I also started to look deeper into the things of this world that are causing us all to have spiritual issues. I have my certain convictions about certain things, but I respect others in the fact that they might not have the same convictions. And that is fine! But I do like to educate. I like to give the second view to those who might be interested. This got me into trouble recently. In fact, I lost my best friend over it. And that is fine too. We exchanged some nasty words, and probably both said things that we wish we wouldn't have. But the end result was that she decided that I was to erase her from my life. Those were her words. That's fine. I'm not mad at her. I'm hurt, yes. But not mad. She's been my friend for about six years. And while I cannot erase her from my life and my memories, I will respect her wishes and stay afar. But I still love her, and I wish her and her family well. She just doesn't believe the same things that I do, and thinks that I am wrong. Which is her prerogative. I will say though since I have been having a life and soul garage sale of sorts, I have been happier than I have been in a long time. I just feel an overwhelming sense of peace. God has given me so much peace, and Grace, and strength, and has helped me with everything in my life that has been stressing me out. I started to surround myself with Christian friends. And I am doing everything that I can with the church, so that I might grow stronger in Christ and grow closer to him. I am searching. I am watching. I am waiting patiently. I am searching for something. I am searching for Jesus. not just searching.... seeking. And the more that I seek, the more that I find, the more I want. I know… It sounds corny. You should try it! Join a Bible study, and truly's study his word, and see if you're not left wanting more and more of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Knowing God is the most important thing in my life. For with God, we know all things are possible. And knowing God and seeking God will make everything else fall the place. Talk about an amazing idea! 

Current Issues, "Sweet" Addiction, ABA Therapy, yada yada, blah blah

First off, Let me take this time to thank all the veterans on this Veteran's Day, especially my father (Navy), my husband (Army), my great-uncle and great-aunt (Army), my Paw-paw (Navy), my granddad (Navy) my great-grandfather (Army) and my uncle David (Navy), and all of the rest of our friends that are just too numerous to count. Your sacrifice is/was great. It isn't enough to have monuments and days dedicated, or thanks said to you. It is all just the LEAST we can do. I know I will be forever grateful for my husband and my father. 

So, it has been a whirl wind of summer and fall season! Moving to a new place, new schools, new assessments, new therapies, new concerns, new "things I can't talk about right now but will as soon as I can", new anxiety, new puppy soon, new everything…

Let's start with how everyone is doing: everyone is fine. Hokie, I know, but true nonetheless. I am finishing up my CNA this week (hopefully), the kids are doing relatively well at school, my husband is out training in the field for…nevermind that…and everyone is excited for the new puppy we pick up next week. 

Moving on to the kids: we have started the process of ABA therapy for the kids. Sigh…and now I am probably going to turn around and tell them to go take a hike. It is such a complete invasion of privacy. This woman is going to be sticking her nose in all kinds of places it doesn't belong. Access to school and it's records, access to med docs that pertain to ASDs, telling Every. Last. Thing. to the insurance company. I mean come on! Not even my female parts doctor is that invasive…and she sees, well, you know. AND she will be here at the house up to 15 hours per week. I don't even see my husband that much. Seriously… So now I am thinking of starting to do behavior modification techniques on my own throughout the holiday season to see how it goes. I might be emotionally involved, but I really think I can do this. Well, maybe. All things are possible through Christ, right?? Prayers on that front please! And speaking of Christ, we are a Christian family, and I always want that to be part of our therapy if possible. The woman said she is a believer, but didn't want to say anything more. So, what KIND of believer? In Christ, in a "higher being", in aliens? Yeah, the whole thing just seems suspect. AND she said that in the state of Tennessee it is illegal to spank children with special needs and if she believes they are being spanked then we get our kids taken away! Now I understand that it is illegal, but what if the kids haul off and say that we have been beating them, or hitting them, or spanking, or anything like that??? Then we lose our kids for good and go to prison?? Our kids are special needs! Our daughter makes stuff like that up all the time!! I'm terrified! Ugh...

Next: I am back in therapy for the whole home invasion crap that happened last year. Seriously, my body needs to catch up to my mind. My mind is so over it, but my body keeps dumping the adrenaline like clockwork, although it is finally getting a little better. EMDR therapy starts really soon. Hopefully that will reprogram my brain.

Next: Hi, my name is Rebekah, and I am an addict…to sweet. Yes, I know that sounds funny, but I have been keeping the sucralose (Splenda) and stevia businesses in business. Everything was sweet! I started noticing that I was CRAVING the SENSATION of sweet on my tongue for EVERYTHING and that I was getting an instant feel good gratification when I got it (thanks to DOPAMINE release). Truly addicted to sweet. So now I am trying to get UN-addicted and have cut all refined and artificial sweeteners from my diet. PRO: I lost 2.5 lbs in 2 days, and I am so barely hungry o.o  !   CON: The withdrawal is crazy. I feel like a heroine addict jones-ing for another hit. I mean, really??? It really sucks. My coffee is really sad every morning…and so is my tea. Sigh…and I HATE water…but I will live. That's the whole point of doing this, right? To make my life better…live longer…I need to stop before I start rethinking my decision to quit. 

My husband is at *blank* doing *blank* for *blank*. He will be *blank* in *blank* to *blank*. Yeah, I know…welcome to my world. 

Not sure what else to say. Stressed to the max, dealing with everything, and just trying to scrape by with my sanity intact…wait, I lost that a long time ago. :)  

An Atheist and a Christian walk into a Chapel...

Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, doesn't it??

Many of you who know me, and truly know me, know that I am a Christian. Now, I'm not perfect, but I strive to live the best I can, love the best I can, and spread love like Christ wants us all to. So my blog today is about something that happened to me today that made me realize that we have a lot of work to do as Christians. Here's what happened:

Tuesday's are PWOC days. For all non acronym people and all non-military people, that means Protestant Women of the Chapel. It's an awesome group of women! Anyways, we Bible study, praise and worship God, and help spread Christ's love. Today, I got up and got the kids ready for school, baked a cake since it was my class's turn to feed everyone, got myself ready, grabbed my music, my husband's phone that he left at home, and headed on over to Memorial Chapel. My husband said he would pick his phone up at the chapel after his meetings. 

So I get to the chapel, play piano and sing with the other lovely ladies on the praise team, and go to my class after announcements. I finally get a call a little after 11am that my husband was on his way. I leave my class to go wait at the front for my husband. As I was standing there by the front door, I over-hear the conversation of the chaplain assistant and another soldier. (It's a really small office with an open door right by the front door. It's super COZY at this chapel.) I make a joking remark to the chaplain assistant (many of you know I am a person that jokes around, like if someone says, "I'll be there" I will say, "Psh, no you won't".) So, the other soldier turns around, and it is an officer, and he didn't think it was funny. Some of you are going, "Oh no you didn't!" Well, oh yes I did. He then tells me that his wife has passed away and he was there to get everything moved along so he could be with his kids. Ok, so now I felt like a HUGE jerk. So my husband pulls up. I run out and give him his phone, and he leaves. I went back in. I don't know exactly why I did what I did next, but I just felt like I HAD to. I went into the chaplain's office and told the man I was sorry for his loss, I didn't mean to offend him, and then asked if there was anything that I could personally do for him...Could our prayer group pray for him and his family? What he said next broke my heart. He said, with tears in his eyes, "I'm atheist, and so was she, but sure, you can pray all you want. Her name was..." I told him we would be praying for his family. I went back to my class and let them know what had happened. I cried. Others cried. We had lost a sister military wife, and she was atheist. So we prayed for that family. Many are praying tonight for that family. So, why the blog post you ask?

Tonight we are praying for someone that is gone and that woman's family. And that is great. I hope that her family is reached, blessed, and turns to Jesus! I cried and others cried and mourned her not knowing the love of Jesus Christ. So I ask you this: why do we mourn after there is no hope for a non-believer?? Why aren't we mourning those that do not know him NOW and are still HERE? Why aren't we shouting from the rooftops that Jesus is love?? Why aren't we stopping to say hello to our neighbor, that person in the super market, our teachers, friends, fellow army wives and telling them about the LOVE OF JESUS CHRIST! Or inviting them to church? Or shoot, even DINNER! It truly boggles my mind! What a revelation I have had today! We get so caught up in the people whom we know have Christ that we forget that we need to be DISCIPLES! We need to tell all the nations! All the people! We need to speak love, kindness, forgiveness. We need to turn the other cheek and we need to reach out and help those that don't know HIM! Teach by example. Lead by example. And minister to all. 

Just Be...

So I was just singing my daughter to sleep. I always sing the same song to her. She calls it "Tender Shepherd". The real name of the song is "Come Unto Me". My mom sang it to me, I started singing it to my kids when I was still pregnant with them, and now, my daughter asks for it every night. And tonight, I cried. You see, there is the possibility of a deployment coming up, nursing school on the horizon, a new business venture with Pangea Organics, and dreams that seem to never be within grasp. All that and autistic children. There are some that would say "suck it up" or "put on your big girl panties", but they have never had to really worry about whether their children were ever going to be normal or not. One of the things that was running through my mind as I sang was "how am I going to get through the drs appointments, the medication changes, everything that goes along with having special needs children...by myself...without my best friend, my love, my husband here?" And I realized that I have been singing this amazing song, but never really listened to the words or let them settle on my heart. Scriptural reference is Matthew 11:28.

"Hear the blessed savior calling the oppressed,

1. “Oh, ye heavy-laden, come to Me and rest;
   Come, no longer tarry, I your load will bear,
   Bring Me every burden, bring Me every care.”
   • Come unto Me, I will give you rest;
     Take My yoke upon you, hear Me and be blest;
     I am meek and lowly, come and trust My might;
     Come, My yoke is easy, and My burden’s light.
2. Are you disappointed, wand’ring here and there,
   Dragging chains of doubt and loaded down with care?
   Do unholy feelings struggle in your breast?
   Bring your case to Jesus—He will give you rest.
3. Stumbling on the mountains dark with sin and shame,
   Stumbling toward the pit of hell’s consuming flame;
   By the pow’rs of sin deluded and oppressed,
   Hear the tender Shepherd, “Come to Me and rest.”
4. Have you by temptation often conquered been,
   Has a sense of weakness brought distress within?
   Christ will sanctify you, if you’ll claim His best;
   In the Holy Spirit, He will give you rest."

There are some in this world that say "Just Be". I have realized that I can't "just be". Maybe some people can get away with that, but I can't just be. I have to give it all away, even the "be" part. I have to lay my heavy burden at the feet of my Savior, my Heavenly Father, and let Him take care of it. He said that he would give me rest, so I have to let him take the load off my shoulders and so that I can have peace and rest. If I don't, I will be consumed by my life instead of me living it in God's grace. I already have the grace, so how do I let it all go? How does that work? I am still trying to figure it out. If you were looking for answers to deep questions, you are reading the wrong blog, lol, 'cause I am still trying to figure that all out for myself. So if anyone that reads this has figured out the "Let go and Let God" part of all this, please share! I just wanted to share my inner most feelings tonight.  

Nutshells, atom bombs, and small victories...

A new friend of mine asked me to write a blog for our army wives Facebook page. She wants me to share our life with autism from a parent's perspective. I'll give you just a little more than that. I will give you an introduction to our family, since autism spectrum disorders affect every family differently. THIS IS IN NO WAY THE COMPLETE STORY! There is so much more. I could probably write a book, lol. So here is our background:

NUTSHELLS:

We met on the Internet and started dating 9 years ago. He found out he was getting deployed so we got married 6 months after starting dating. After 5 months training, 1-month break, and 12 months boots on the ground, he came home from Iraq. We decided to have a baby. We tried for one and got TWO. After carrying twins for 38 weeks and a quick and easy C-Section, we had two beautiful babies: a handsome little boy with brown hair and eyes, and a beautiful baby girl with red-hair and blue eyes. To this day they are still the most gorgeous children on the planet! I just knew that they would be special, that they were going to do something great with their lives! Don’t all parents? My friend wants me to tell you what was going through my mind as I held my babies. The first time: HOLY CRAP! These are mine?? Aren’t they a little big for twins (8.05lbs and 6.5lbs)? I get to take these things home? NOW WHAT??? After that first time, I was thinking, “Look what I made…I grew these inside me,” and “How did they fit??” I never had that crying moment. That “Oh I am the happiest person alive” moment. Nope, it never happened. I think it was because of the morphine. J But I couldn’t wait to see what they would become…I just had to get through the beginning of their lives first!

By 13 months I noticed they were developing slower, verbally wise, than other children. Other children seemed to be further along. They didn’t meet the age standard for words that they should be able to speak. But, Birth to Three, a program in Texas, told me they weren’t worried. Our son had sensory issues and needed extra stimulation, like bouncing and rough housing. That’s all. And that he needed a little help talking. So we worked on that until we moved to Maryland, just before the twins turned three.

Right before the kids turned 3 years old, my husband came down on Recruiting Orders. When we arrived at our new assignment, the children, who had been potty trained previously, all the sudden regressed to needing diapers. Their speech was still pretty awful, even for a toddler. I compared them to other children all the time and I just knew something wasn't right with my wonderful children. I was worried. I was scared about Autism. I had heard about how it was becoming more prevalent. It was actually my worst fear for my children. What if they had it? What if they had something else? What if they had intellectually debilitating issues??

We had them re-evaluated immediately. The re-evaluation process was long, difficult, and grueling for all parties involved. And afterwards, both my husband and I cried. My worst fears were about to be confirmed. Our children had done very poorly.

ATOM BOMBS:

The Autism Specialist said that she was sure they (the twins) were autistic. And she even thought that they were probably moderate to severe (which is not good.) Once the team left, this is when my husband and I clung to each other and our children and just cried. Our happy, little family was being torn upside down and inside out! I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t expect it. Not both of our twins. Especially our girl, who is more severe than her brother! It’s so much more rare for girls! We were just devastated. My husband doesn’t cry much, but he cried that day. It is heartbreaking finding out that you have children with developmental issues. The future is never certain with things like that.

We were referred to the Kennedy Krieger Institute: Center for Autism and Related Disorders at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore. It took about 8 months to get in. It was like being in limbo. Just waiting and waiting. I would call to see if there were any cancellations. There were none. We could have been given an appointment somewhere else faster, but we decided that if we were going to do this, it was going to be at the best center on the east coast. Finally, we got our appointments. The daylong evaluation by the specialists at Kennedy Krieger Institute was grueling. The tests, the waiting, the nausea, the anxiety, the migraine that hit me on the 2 hour drive back home in Baltimore beltway rush hour traffic, the screaming 3 year old that didn't understand. All I could think of was our beautiful daughter. Her beautiful hair and smile, the one that I had so many high hopes for in life, the one I was looking forward to bonding with and one day talking about boys with, one day watching her get married and have kids, but now she was diagnosed ‘autistic’. All my hopes and dreams for her had turned to despair and agony. Then, I had to repeat the process the next week with my son, who did a little better, but he got the same diagnosis.

           

My parents were in denial. In fact, my dad still sometimes says there isn’t anything wrong with my kids, and that they are just behind (he’s an Osteopathic Physician, so he has some credentials). I wasn't in denial; I was crushed. I have special needs children. I felt like a failure. I felt like it was my fault! Everything I wanted for them, I didn’t think it would ever be possible now. In my eyes, they would never become doctors, lawyers, engineers, singers, dancers, artists, play organized sports, play a musical instrument…it was all gone. All my hopes and dreams for my children had flown the coop. AND I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT during my pregnancy. I carried two healthy babies to full term. I didn't do drugs, I didn't smoke, I didn't drink, and yet, I was the one who carried defective children. I was in mourning. I hated seeing people with normal children. Especially when I knew they were smoking, drinking, and doing drugs while pregnant, and yet they had completely normal children. I hated them for it.

SMALL VICTORIES:

While we were waiting on Kennedy Krieger, the kids were enrolled in special education Pre-K so that they could start receiving at least some services. They went full days 3 days a week. At 4 years old they went 4 full days a week (half inclusion Pre-k and half special ed.) Pre-K was full of discoveries for the kids. They really needed the socialization. They weren’t good at being around other kids before Pre-K. They wouldn’t look at you when you talked to them, it was hard to get their attention, and they were really just in their own little worlds.

We began to see emerging strengths for each of them. Therapists and specialists call them “splinter skills”, or something that they are extremely good at or have a particular talent in. And they were (and still are) so different! Our son started to show a growing interest in numbers, while our daughter, who was originally very introverted began to come out of her shell. She began to really love stories. She even tells them to herself, using different voices for the different characters. They also both were finally re-potty-trained.

In Kindergarten, they were in separate regular classrooms. Our son was really gaining ground on his numbers. One day I sat down with him with a bag of pennies and started a little game. Pretty soon he knew his multiplications. We also found out that he could add and subtract in his head. I would print off 2nd and 3rd grade math worksheets for him to do just to keep him occupied. Our daughter began to draw, and not just pictures, but stories. She would draw the whole story out and put it in order. Sometimes it was one that we had read to her, and sometimes, they came straight from her own imagination, which was showing to be a vast pool of fantasy and fun.

When Kindergarten started, our daughter was getting great reports. They began to read, and read well they did! Their teachers were very impressed. But it wasn't always lollipops and gumdrops! Our daughter's teacher was a witch. She was older and thought that because her nephew was autistic she was an expert on my child. I really hated this teacher. Then came parent teacher conferences. It was like being backhanded by the teacher. The teacher didn't know what to do with our daughter. She wouldn't come out of her imaginary world, just wandered around the classroom. The teacher wanted to know what I was going to do about getting our daughter to do better in school and when was I going to medicate her.  I felt an overwhelming urge to hit that woman as hard as I could in the face. I mean, who did she think she was?? I didn’t punch her though, because I probably would not have stopped. I didn’t think my husband could handle two autistic children, recruiting, AND a wife in prison for assault. Multiple times I went to the principal and told them that I wanted her switched out of that class. I also called an emergency IEP meeting. (Individualized Education Plan, every student, gifted or special needs, has one. An IEP tells the education goals for the fiscal year. For example, Jane Doe will be able to write the alphabet legibly without help 80% of the time. That’s a sample goal. They are tailored to every individual child’s needs.)

Finally, a Special Education Teacher stepped in and got that all straightened out, although it was not without pain, tears, anger, and lots of frustration.

           

I want all my readers who have children to think of something, think of the last victory your child had. Was the victory an ‘A’ on a spelling test? Was it cleaning his/her room without being helped? Was it getting a high score on that video game that they love to play? Did they make a friend at school? Did your daughter tell you that she loved you when you said it to her? Some might say, "Well, those aren't victories. Those are normal things that kids just do eventually! How is that a victory?" Sadly with special needs children, these are HUGE victories.

           

I cried when our daughter told me she loved me for the first time without prompting. Our kids are really smart. In fact, our son is going to be evaluated for gifted class. My children aren't "retarded" or mentally impaired, just Autistic. All these terms come with a stigma. Retarded implies the child will forever be impaired and need 24 our care for the rest of that child’s life. Mentally Impaired has a very similar stigma. And unfortunately, sometimes Autism carries that same weight, but it doesn’t have to. I am hear to tell that you don’t have to be afraid. You don’t have to fall apart. Yes, have your pity party in the beginning! Cry if you need to, I still do sometimes!!! But then dry your eyes, put on your big girl panties, and get ready for a long ride. It does get bumpy! And there will certainly be rain clouds, so bring that umbrella. But it doesn’t have to be full of despair.

Our 6 year olds have communication issues. They learn differently, and they have extreme social difficulties. Our daughter is loud and my son likes to touch people. For example, an older veteran walking with a cane was coming out of the PX. My daughter says, "Why are you walking with that cane? Is it because you are old?" Or my son, being he likes to touch; he may inappropriately touch a woman’s breast. He doesn’t know the difference between touching daddy’s chest vs. mommy’s chest.  Or my favorite, when we are in a grocery store and they have a breakdown, we get those "You’re the worst parents ever!" look. I live in a constant state of mortification. Going through my mind when this happens: “Oh my gosh, they probably think we beat, molest, abuse our children, or that we are low life scum that does inappropriate things in front of our kids, or are they going to call CPS and tell them we are negligent?” (Which has happened before. Thank God we were absolved of any wrong doing!)

I still feel like a failure, almost everyday, in fact. But I am learning along with our kids. I am learning that it’s not my fault. (I have my theories as to what is causing autism, but that is such a long theory that it will have to wait!) Trust me, the problems don’t stop with education and socialization. Discipline is difficult. Sometimes the kids just don’t understand right from wrong. One thing that terrifies me to my core: they can’t understand that some people are just bad. My kids have never met a stranger. What if they meet the WRONG stranger? *shivers* What if someone hurts or takes advantage of my babies??? I would most certainly end up in prison! But that’s beside the point. How do I teach them these skills that most kids get relatively easily? How do I teach them that people will hurt them because some people are just evil? Our son is so sensitive. He doesn’t understand why children are hurt by adults, why some go to bed hungry, why everyone isn’t as blessed as we are. How do I teach him, well both of them, that? Our daughter has very little compassion. She laughs when people get hurt. She thinks it’s funny. How do I teach her that it is not? There are just so many issues we face, and there are new ones everyday!

           

But our children are lovely. They are sweet, loving, kind, and oh so smart. Trust me, Autism sucks. I won't sugar coat it. But it makes all the smiles, the victories, the hugs, and the love even more amazing. It makes you appreciate some of the smaller things just a little more than the average parent. And it's not the end of the world; it's a whole new world with some amazing possibilities.

I could so write a book...maybe one day I'll get to that, if I have time...

One day I will have time...yeah right, lol. Who am I kidding?? Who has time? 

We finally moved. We have had tons go wrong, many things ALMOST go wrong, and I have even lost a brother in the process. Not to death of course, but because he is a source of chaos for me, and I choose to have as little to do with him as possible. So let's start all the way back to when we moved from Maryland...

Our recruiting days were almost over...We could see the light at the end of the tunnel; we could taste and smell freedom! One day I will do a TELL ALL about recruiting. It will blow your mind. 

Anyone familiar with PCS-ing (Permanent Change of Station), or moving to the rest of the world, knows that there are steps you have to take to get the army or other military branch to send out contractors to move you. Well, we put in the paper work, it was approved, and BAM! Two days before the moving company is supposed to come and pack us up, they tell us that there is no one to move us...WHAT????? You have got to be kidding me! So we pool our resources, beg and plead, and end up doing a DItY move. We had great friends from our community and church that rose to the occasion and really helped us out. We got the truck packed and me and the kiddos go to my parents' house until my husband could clear his unit. He signed out of his unit on July 2nd. Thank God he didn't have a way to check his email. They changed his report date to Fort Campbell. Pushed it back TWO MONTHS! Well, when he called and told them that he was on PCS leave already and had already cleared, they are gonna let him sign in early on August 10th (our original report date). 

So we sign up for housing and think, "hey, we should be able to get nice housing!" Well, only if we wanted to wait 6-8 months. Well, that wasn't happening since the kids were to start school on August 5th (that's today by the way). So we end up taking an older house. One that is a lot smaller than our last house, and we had to get rid of (and still do) a lot of stuff. I actually like this house though. At least the kitchen is brand new and the walls aren't white or Easter egg colors. So that is a HUGE plus. The kids have their own rooms, our furniture ALMOST fits in our bedroom, and we are close to the PX and Commissary. Thank God. And our neighborhood is GREAT.  No joke. It's nice and quiet. 

Now comes all the other crap that happens. Paperwork. Tons of it. Unpacking, which I hate more than packing (I still haven't found my hair stuff...I miss my hair dryer). The SpEd Coordinator at the school was less than stellar (although everyone else has been amazing!) Oh, and everyone here calls Special Education "Sped". Really? Since when is that polite? Oh, and did I mention black widow spiders, and brown recluses??? Did I mention I am arachnophobic and we have actually killed these spiders at our new home?? We had to spray for these little terrors. NOT FUN. 

Oh, crap, it's late...I will continue tomorrow, hopefully. Gotta get up early to get the kids off to school. Trying to get the class I need for Nursing is really a pain in my rear...

Warning: this may offend you. BUT I DON'T CARE

Ok, so I am gonna vent, give my two cents, and you can either take it or leave it (or shove it!) 

Let's look at today's health concerns: autism on the rise, neurological disorders on the rise, autoimmune disorders on the rise, food allergies are on the rise, obesity on the rise, little girls are starting their periods at really early ages, and men are growing breasts...and so on...

Now let's look at our society today: pharmaceuticals rule congress and the FDA, we pump our cows full of hormones and antibiotics, we dump pharmaceuticals into our water supply and have no way of filtering it out, we vaccinate way too early and with way too many vaccines that are filled with mercury, we use chemical pesticides and herbicides on our fruits and veggies, we genetically modify our food, we pump food full of preservatives, and we create food stuffs in labs and think that it's consumable. Most of the cleansing products that we use in our home have immunotoxins, neurotoxins, all KINDS of toxins, and we even put toxins in our baby products.

SO, let me ask you this: Is it really such a surprise that we have all the above health concerns? DON'T tell me that vaccines have nothing to do with autism! DON'T tell me that formaldehyde in baby shampoo doesn't contribute to neurological disorders and immune disorders! DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT AUTISM THAN ME UNLESS YOU ARE AN AUTISM SPECIALIST OR HAVE DEALT WITH YOUR CHILDREN HAVING AUTISM LONGER THAN I HAVE! 

They have found links between all kinds of things and autism. It isn't just one thing. It is the multitude of things that we as a society are allowing to happen. We have allowed big government to take over our medical care, medication, and food supplies. Yeah, we are screwed, because it is only going to get worse.

ALSO: DON'T PATRONIZE ME. DON'T SAY YOU ARE SORRY THAT MY KIDS HAVE AUTISM. DON'T SAY YOU HOPE WE "CAUGHT" IT IN TIME TO TREAT IT. IT'S NOT A DISEASE...IT'S A DISORDER. THERE IS NO CURE. 

I know the MMR vaccine triggered my twins' autism. At 11 months old, they were healthy, babbling, happy children with light behind their eyes; at 13 months old, after vaccination, they were unhealthy, no longer babbling, and the life and light behind their eyes, that was gone. SO, don't tell me it wasn't the vaccine. I saw it. I watched it. And now I am living it. So excuse me if I get a little miffed at patronizing tones. Excuse me if I think you are just eating the lines of crap that the government and liberal media are feeding to you. Excuse me for knowing my children better than you do. 

just an update

It has been a long time since I posted! Wow, let's see...what is going on in my life...ok, so we have a move coming up here in June, but we still don't know 100% for certain where we are going to be. Our lives are always full of Drs appointments, medicines, school stuff, and not knowing where we are going can definitely cause some serious stress. That's what I'm dealing with now. Just waiting...and our landlord has put this house up for sell and thoroughly expects us to let people in whenever the realtor wants to show the house. Yeah, like a house full of boxes and misc. clutter is attractive. She's delusional. 

It's been a rough road since we have been out in the army recruiting world, and I am so glad that is going to be over soon. This place has held little by way of joy. The town is depressed, the people are depressed, we've been through a home invasion here, and this is where our kids were diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. I can't wait to leave it behind. I am ready for a fresh start with new faces and new opportunities. I am ready for God to highlight my path on the road map of my life and show me where to go next. 

So that said, let's have a little update on how the twins are doing. My son is doing great. He is like a little sponge, soaking up information and learning above and beyond his grade level. Socially he still has a ways to go, but he is doing wonderful. My daughter, smh, is still the little stinker she has always been, but she also is coming along in school quite well. She is definitely picking up on reading very quickly and has come A LONG WAYS by way of social skills, although she still has a ways to go. She lives in her little fairy tale world still, but has come out of it enough to learn in school. Both the kids are so loving and full of life. They have just come so far this year. Small victories in this war against their ASD. I have much more hope in my heart now that they will grow up to be a productive part of society! Most parents dream of their kids being Drs or something like that, I dream that my children will be able to have that opportunity. I now know the sky is the limit! They both have a huge learning potential and there seems to be no limit to what they can learn...except tying their shoes, sigh...one day...

School: a thorn in my side...ok, two thorns!

Update on home invasion: the 25 yr old man that came into our house and terrorized us is now in prison. He was offered a plea bargain and he took it. He will serve 2 years in prison, 3 years of parole, yada yada. He has to pay restitution and if he slips up at all in the next 5 years he will serve 4.5 more years in prison. Knowing justice has somewhat been served DOES NOT make anything better. I still have anxiety from hell and think that if something like that ever happens again, I may adopt the idea of shoot first and ask questions later. That being said, onto other things...


Ok, so school, both mine and my kids, are thorns in my side. It's like I just can't catch a break. I have a big test in anatomy and physiology this Tuesday and am terrified! But that is less than my issues with my kids' school. 

A&J are in separate classes. J, my son, has a wonderful teacher who is really doing wonders with him. She has put these great measures in place to keep him from breaking down. Then there is A's teacher. I really don't know what to do anymore. In A's IEP meeting it was amended so that we will get a report on her behavior everyday. We want to make sure that her ADHD is being handled well. Well, it seems that the teacher still doesn't give a crap! She sent home a message that said A Good Day. Really? Seriously? The IEP states that I am supposed to get a morning report and an afternoon report. Can I legally slap this teacher?? I am so frustrated. I think next week the principal and I are going to have to have a little chitty chat about his old school teacher and the fact that she needs to retire if she isn't going to give a crap about her students. She has outlived her usefulness as a teacher. I don't care if my daughter is learning to read and none of this teacher's students leave kindergarten without being able to read. My daughter has an IEP and it needs to be followed!!! There is a reason that she has one! Why couldn't A. have had the other teacher?? Maybe we should try to switch districts. That may be a better option. They miss their old school anyways! Then I'll just complain to the board of ed about "Ms. I know better than the parents". This woman has me fired up! My daughter is slipping through the cracks and it seems that I am the only one who really cares! Anyone else out there have similar problems? I need advice...

Long time...

Blue is soothing...and I need blue today...preferably in the form of a beautiful ocean. But back to my reality! It's been a while, and things have been crazy. I have school, the kids are in kindergarten, my husband works non-stop it seems, and I take care of literally everything...it's getting old. Anyways, today I went to parent teacher conferences for our kids. Our son is doing great. They call him exceptional. He is incredibly intelligent. He still has some melt downs in class, but they have put measures in place to keep him from breaking down. He needs a strict schedule or he flips out kinda. So they are doing well with him and they think he is adjusting well! Then there is our daughter, who in the space of 24 hours pulled two of her own teeth. Busy tooth fairy in our area. Our daughter isn't doing well in school. Her and her brother have separate teachers and the teachers do things very differently. Our daughter's teacher seems to think that she doesn't need to give our daughter the extra help and attention. The aid in my son's class helps him stay focused. Our daughter's aid apparently sits on her thumbs. When Audrey gets up and wanders off into her own little world, the teacher and the aid aren't helping. They are complaining to me that she is "severe" (which they have NO AUTHORITY to determine) and won't focus. She won't answer the questions she is asked. She renamed herself (like over a year ago, hello), and she is a fairy princess in a make believe world (sometimes her world seems more fun and better than reality, I'd want to stay there too.) So why is it my job to fix these things?? I take the kids to a great institute, I do my best at home to teach them (and yes, she is more unfocused and has difficulty listening and understanding), but if I am supposed to be the one to teach my children and everyone else give up I might as well home school her!!! I mean, seriously! The teacher acted like teaching my daughter or trying to get her to focus was too much of a chore! I really just wanted to slap her. That was my thought. I think we are just gonna try and get the kids on SSI and then save it for private school. And in the meantime I am gonna try and get our daughter on ADHD medication. Maybe that will help. I sure hope it does. I REFUSE TO LET THEM HOLD MY CHILD BACK!! She is a bright, fun, passionate little girl. She has the ability to learn and she loves to play and pretend and draw and create! She's my little Picasso. I just wonder sometimes if these older teachers just need to be sacked and bring in the newer teachers. My son has a young teacher, and my daughter an old teacher. It really bothers me. Anyone have any other suggestions? My husband even thought that maybe we should switch school districts...Oh, and we have court next week for the home invasion. The guy is in jail and now just awaiting trial. I am nervous as heck! Well, gotta run, I have a house to clean, groceries to buy, and hair to pull out...Oh, did I type that last one out loud ;)

Update on home invasion

According to a neighbor, who heard it from a guy at a local liquor store who supposedly knows the guy, they tried to take the guy who broke into our house out of the medically induced coma and he went crazy again. This supposedly happened twice. Apparently he was acting the same way he did when he broke in. So his brain may be permanently fried. The "liquor store informant" also said that they had to keep him on a breathing tube because of the damage to his trachea sustained by the choking my husband gave him. That's crap. He has to be on a breathing tube because they have him in a medically induced coma, stupid idiots. I have mixed emotions on this whole thing...if he dies: there will be no trial and no testifying in court for me and my husband. If he lives, he will be tried, we will have to testify, and there is no guarantee that he will ever be safe to let out into society again. Anyone have any advice for me? I'm conflicted. 


My husband is still my hero...forever and always! Thank you God for bringing him to me eight years ago. 

Home Invasion

I haven't blogged in a while so I wanted to give an update. It's a really busy time here in our household. My husband's classes ended just as mine began. I have been taking the prerequisite classes for nursing. Specifically Anatomy and Physiology. It's a rough class for a summer course, but I am doing well, Thank God! And then we had THE incident. Last sunday, June 10th at around 9pm we had a home invasion. Some guy whacked out on Bath Salts broke into our home while we were watching TV. Luckily the kids slept straight through everything, the alarm going off, my husband subduing the man (thank God my husband was home and is trained in self defense), and even the police and all the ruckus that ensued. It was a traumatic and terrifying experience. We are all ok, although it was something that I wouldn't wish on anyone. My husband used a rear naked choke on the man and got him unconscious. The man is still to the best of my knowledge in ICU. He may never come out to be charged. That is basically it in a nutshell, and that is all for now. 

My husband's in the army, I have to be fit too! ee

OK, so here is my health and wellness blog:


My husband does PT almost every morning, and sometimes in the afternoons too. He is pretty fit and can run (I envy this, as I am still a running novice). So I decided that being a stereotype (the fat wife of a soldier) was overrated and it was time to take care of myself. Hey, don't get mad at me for saying what everyone else thinks about army wives. There is a stereotype and the only way to fix it is to fight it :)  


So I started with Zumba (so much fun) and started eating better, not the best, but better. I was counting calories and using the MyFitnessPal app for iPhone (which I still use). I also threw in some extra cardio with the elliptical trainer. I started shedding pounds. Then, I decided to get a personal trainer. She is currently kicking my butt with killer moves and teaching me a good way to eat. I have semi successfully cut out processed foods (like special K bars and such), added about 50 extra grams of protein per day, and have cut out wheat and most other grain carbs. I still eat rice on occasion and corn meal made things (sorry, but corn chips are great), but for the most part, if the carbs don't come from veggies and fruit, I don't eat much of it. 


This way of eating works. My proof is because I took a break from eating this way and felt horrible and had little to no energy or motivation and even got down right depressed. So, grain carbs are mostly bad and you can never ever get me to say otherwise again. WHEAT IS HORRIBLE!


Sample die for one day:


Breakfast at 8:30am- 1 large egg and two or three egg whites, 1 cup sliced strawberries, 1 sliced kiwi


Snack 1 at 11:30am- chobani (Greek) strawberry yogurt cup, 1 piece of fruit


Lunch at 1:30pm- 6 COOKED oz (8 oz uncooked) boneless skinless chicken breast, 1/2 cup rice, and a serving of salsa


Snack 2 at 4:00pm- 2 kiwi or 1 small banana, 1 oz of 2% cheese


Dinner at 6:30pm- 4-6 oz lean protein (6 oz if lean like fish or turkey breast, 4 oz if lean beef, like filet Mignon), greater than 1 cup (I eat two cups) of steamed veggies or salad veggies. 


Done right, this works out to about 1365 calories a day. I try to do this no matter what I burn. Sometimes I do a protein shake in place of a snack or breakfast, although people who consume eggs for breakfast tend to eat less calories throughout the day, according to some research I heard somewhere. I believe it though. But for dinner you could do 4 oz of protein and a bowl of homemade veggie soup. Also, Trainer Bob from the biggest loser tweeted that there should be NO CARBS after LUNCH. I take this to mean grains since the carb count in most fruits and veggies are nominal. 


OK, so here is the next portion of my blog: exercise. The dreaded exercise. Let me tell y'all something: I have more energy now then when I wasn't exercising. Yes, part of it is the 25 lbs gone, but my husband told me, "A body in motion tends to stay in motion." Yes, it takes a while to get into it, but once you do, you will be glad you did! So, I started off with a bang: Zumba and/or Hip Hop Hustle 3 to 5 times a week, elliptical 3 times a week, P90X when I could. Now, I am trying to do cardio everyday, whether long or short, with one easy day, and strength/circuit training 3 to five times a week. I have been running and can proudly say that I can now run a mile without stopping. It still sucks, but I can do it. My husband wants me to do a tough mudder with him this fall, and I need to endurance training that the circuit work gives. If you want a good circuit training workout go to www.toughmudder.com and click on training. Don't worry about taking the quiz, just click on go to training. It is in PDF form and it will kick your butt if you do it right. Start out with two circuits and build up to five. It is designed to get your body into shape for a tough mudder, which is approximately 12 miles and 25 obstacles long, and you have to sign a death waiver. Talk about brutal. Looks fun though. 


The best thing I can tell you is to start walking or running or taking a class that gets you moving your own body weight. A stationary bike or elliptical won't do that, and moving your body weight gets your respiratory system working a lot harder than the others. THIS IS IMPORTANT! Why? It is easier to workout when you can haul your own weight. I am sure there are more important reasons that I am overlooking, like better lung capacity and your body using oxygen more efficiently. But I don't know the whole physiological story behind it. Also, if you start out moving your own body weight it gives you a great advantage. I almost got discouraged when I started running because it was so difficult. Heck, it still is, but it gets easier every time. 


OK, so I am not gonna touch on herbs and supplements today, but watch for that one. ONE THING: Don't use stimulants except caffeine and only in small amounts. Don't be stupid. There have been some recent deaths in the military due to products like Jack3d and OxyElite Pro. So be wary of products claiming to get you ripped, jacked, and MAKE you lose weight and burn fat. There is no safe magic pill or beverage. BE SMART and DON'T FALL for gimmicks. 


And that's really all for the day. Have fun and go get your sweat on!